106
i know, i know.....
i'm supposed to be posting a photo every day for a year, but i think it's going to be more like, a photo every 2 days! LOL!
sorry that i haven't been as diligent as i had hoped, but life gets in the way sometimes.
friday i had some personal time planned, in the form of a new haircut and colour. it has been months and months since i had a haircut, but it's because i was trying to decide what to do with it. i decided.
yesterday, i was blessed to be able to photograph a wedding in Windsor, with a friend.
i love being a wedding photographer!!!
anyways, here is my photo.
i wasn't sure what my theme was going to be for today, but when i got home from church, i quickly found my inspiration.
we are heading into fall, and everything around here is dying. my plants, my flowers, and the warm weather.
while i was walking from the van to my house, i noticed this little rose, sticking out among all the dying flowers.
this rosebush hasn't bloomed every much at all this year, actually, i can't even remember seeing a flower on it at all.
it's a miniature bush, given to me 7 years ago by my sister-in-law. i planted it, with the hopes that it would grow and prosper, but alas, it has stayed just as small as when i found it a special spot in my garden.
it is usually surrounded by daisies, hydrangea, and coneflowers, which overpower it and usually hide it from sight.
now that everything is dying off and getting ready for hibernation, i guess this little rosebush decided to finally bloom.
it could finally be noticed from among the crowd.
i doubt that i will see another bloom on this fragile bush, until next year, but that doesn't matter much to me. i am just thankful that this little rose decided to show itself today, when i would see it, surrounded by the ugliness of other dying plants.
it's funny, because sometimes i feel like this rosebush must feel (well, if it had feelings that is). i am a fairly new wedding photographer, in a city filled with pretty awesome wedding photographers. i wonder sometimes if i'm going to be noticed at all.
i am finding my voice as an artist, my style as a wedding photographer, and my little corner of the world.
i want to create beauty, stand out, and have the courage to break forth when everyone around me is bigger and more established. this little rose has reminded me that i am just as beautiful, and stand out just as much as it has.
that rose filled a space in my garden that wasn't filled with anything else, and it did it with confidence. it didn't try to be bigger, louder, or better than anyone else.
it is a rose, and doesn't need to be anything else.
i am me. i don't need to be anything but me.
as an artist or wedding photographer.
i will stand out because i am unique and have a style all my own.
some people might not like little pink roses, and some people might not like my style as a wedding photographer.
that's ok.
if people only liked little pink roses, and nothing else, then gardens wouldn't have variety and colour.
i think i like being the lonely pink rose in a garden full of other bright and colourful flowers.
it suits me just fine, and i will be appreciated by the people who are supposed to appreciate me.
those are the people who will find, that there's more to me than meets the eye.
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105
the other day, i had posted about a challenge that i wanted to participate in.
i got inspired by a blog i linked to one day, called Tasra365.com.
Tasra Dawson had begun a challenge to improve her photography by 300% in a year, and it sounded like a good idea to me.
I am usually up for a challenge , like when i trained for and ran (in 2:15) a half-marathon, about 3 years ago. i went from not running at all, to running the Detroit Half-Marathon (with no walking) in about 6 months of training. i am very proud of that accomplishment.
I have other things in my life right now, that seriously need improving on, but my photography is something i'm very passionate about. i look online, see great artists like Jerry Ghionis and Cliff Mautner, and i feel inadequate as a photographer. it's not that i believe that i can't be great, but i know that i have a few hills to climb to get to where i want to be as an artist. Darryl thinks that even when i am awesome, that i won't ever think that i am, because i am always striving for more. i guess, like many artists, i'm super hard on myself and i always know that there is never a point when you 'arrive' , but that it's a journey that never actually ends.
i have an addiction to learning, to growing, and to trying new things.
maybe when i get to heaven i will no longer have the urge to constantly improve and achieve. i want to believe that once i get there , that i will be satisfied.
the photo i took today, pretty much sums up what's going on in my heart right now.
i am a mom, i love being a mom, and i miss my son.
it's too quiet around here these days, and i miss the laughter and the music that Josh brought to this house.
for the last few years, Josh has been teaching himself how to play the piano, so that he would be ready for the piano courses at university. his piano playing used to be painful to listen to, but it progressed to beauty and music.
the piano now sits silent.
the white piano keys have chips in them, which Josh made himself, when he was just a baby. we used to let him bang on tupperware with a wooden spoon, he was about a year old. he soon learnt that if he banged on the piano with the spoon, that the piano made noise too!
we quickly had to take the spoon away, because he was actually chipping the keys!!
that didn't make him happy.
so, my piano sits silent, waiting for someone to come along and make music again.
i miss the music.
Jessica Monnich:
Oh my gosh This makes my heart so sad that one day my little girl will be all grown up and not sing silly songs any more :(
(09.28.09)
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