105
the other day, i had posted about a challenge that i wanted to participate in.
i got inspired by a blog i linked to one day, called Tasra365.com.
Tasra Dawson had begun a challenge to improve her photography by 300% in a year, and it sounded like a good idea to me.
I am usually up for a challenge , like when i trained for and ran (in 2:15) a half-marathon, about 3 years ago. i went from not running at all, to running the Detroit Half-Marathon (with no walking) in about 6 months of training. i am very proud of that accomplishment.
I have other things in my life right now, that seriously need improving on, but my photography is something i'm very passionate about. i look online, see great artists like Jerry Ghionis and Cliff Mautner, and i feel inadequate as a photographer. it's not that i believe that i can't be great, but i know that i have a few hills to climb to get to where i want to be as an artist. Darryl thinks that even when i am awesome, that i won't ever think that i am, because i am always striving for more. i guess, like many artists, i'm super hard on myself and i always know that there is never a point when you 'arrive' , but that it's a journey that never actually ends.
i have an addiction to learning, to growing, and to trying new things.
maybe when i get to heaven i will no longer have the urge to constantly improve and achieve. i want to believe that once i get there , that i will be satisfied.
the photo i took today, pretty much sums up what's going on in my heart right now.
i am a mom, i love being a mom, and i miss my son.
it's too quiet around here these days, and i miss the laughter and the music that Josh brought to this house.
for the last few years, Josh has been teaching himself how to play the piano, so that he would be ready for the piano courses at university. his piano playing used to be painful to listen to, but it progressed to beauty and music.
the piano now sits silent.
the white piano keys have chips in them, which Josh made himself, when he was just a baby. we used to let him bang on tupperware with a wooden spoon, he was about a year old. he soon learnt that if he banged on the piano with the spoon, that the piano made noise too!
we quickly had to take the spoon away, because he was actually chipping the keys!!
that didn't make him happy.
so, my piano sits silent, waiting for someone to come along and make music again.
i miss the music.
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Oh my gosh This makes my heart so sad that one day my little girl will be all grown up and not sing silly songs any more :(
(09.28.09)